FREE sneak preview "Funny things people said and did in the good old days book"

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by a. j. Lombardi Copyright © 2019 All Rights Reserved

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The company you keep and your neighbors (Mr. Rogers did not live in this hood)!

They say that your known by the company you keep.  "Well let's go over this. it wasn't exactly Mr. roger’s neighborhood where little Joe and Hoss Cartwright grew up.   "Just have a look at a few of their neighbors who were on the welcoming committee. "You had one guy named Lucas McCain.   His nickname was the Rifleman! "I mean if the guy who lives across the street is the Rifleman, that kind of sends up a red flag right away!  "Imagine this guy showing up at the school father daughter dance! The Sopranos weren't even born yet and this guy went around calling himself the Rifleman. He had this special rifle with a lever that he would pump up and down and start spraying bullets everywhere.   "In fact, his rifle was a very popular toy when I was a kid.

Other great role models and members of the neighborhood crime watch!

Paladin could have been a hit man for the Sopranos great grandfather!

I almost forgot, there was this other outstanding member of the community named Paladin.  Now this guy was a real character! He wore all black and carried a business card that read “Have gun will travel” Just imagine him going into Starbucks and passing out his business card!   "It was like he was a hit man for the Sopranos great grandfather! If you gave him some grain for his horse, he would whack your neighbor."    What about the kids at school? I can see little Joe Cartwright going up to his father Ben and saying "hey pa there's a new kid at school and nobody wants to play with him.   "I think I want to be his friend. "His name is Cochise He has a Daniel Boone ax just like mine. "Tell me folks, "are these the kind of people you want your kids to hang around with?   I mean little Joe never got to play it play hopscotch with the Brady bunch. 

The last guys I remember from the old neighborhood were Daniel Boone and his best man Davy Crockett. "I'm not talking about chip and dale. These guys actually had axes and knives named after them!  Whaaaat!   "That's right!   These guys would actually throw a small hand-held ax and split a tree in half that was about the size of a California giant redwood!  "For the record, " That ax was a very popular toy, and I did get one for Christmas. Davy Crockett actually had his own theme song and it went something like this "Davy Davy Crockett king of the wild frontier he killed a bear when he was three Davy Davy Crockett...    "Folks when I was three, I wet my pants! "Can you image how tough this guy was!      "You think Arnold Schwarzenegger is bad? "This guy went around killing bears with a binky in his mouth when he was only three!

Don’t mess with the law buddy!  

"This is the city--Los Angeles, California." "I carry a badge." "My name's Saturday." This my partner Sgt. Jack Slebb.

"Just the facts, ma'am"

These are the stories

The case of; "The stolen green Kool Aid"

Sept. 22, 1965   10.00 A.M My partner and I received a call from the local corner store that a robbery had just taken place.

10:03 A.M.  We arrived at the scene.

The store owner informed us that a group of young hooligans had just stolen a five pack of green Kool Aid.  He described the group as young teenagers who chewed their gum loudly and scuffling their feet as they walked. As we were interviewing the store owner, a young lad about five years old stepped forward.  "Hey officer! "I know the boy who stole the green Kool Aid! "His name is Tommy Tringles. It was a great lead and we thanked the young lad for helping us move forward in solving this crime.

10:07 A.M. We arrived at the home of suspect "Tommy Tringle.  A woman answered the door and identified herself as Tommy's mother. "Ma’am we are here on official police business!   Your son Tommy has been fingered in a crime that took place at the corner store. "We would like to talk to the lad. Tommy's mother replied, "I'll get him right away officer, it may take a few moments,” Tommy has been running off to the bathroom every five minutes! I think he may have been drinking a lot of liquids today! My partner and I looked at each other and knew we were definitely onto the culprit.

10:09 A.M Young Tommy came down stairs to meet us.  I asked him, "Are you Tommy Tringles? "What's it to ya coppa!  "I didn't steal any green Kool Aid! "You need evidence for that!   "Listen here young man! Keep up the cocky attitude, and your buying yourself a one-way ticket to the big house!  "You got that mister! “And by the way mister, you're the first eleven-year-old I've seen wearing a green mustache!

"Don't cuff me officer, I have to go to the bathroom right now.  I motioned my partner to prevent the lad from heading to the bathroom door.  "Let go mister! "I have to go right now! "No way sonny! "We have all the evidence we need.  "There's a flow of green pee pee running down the front of your knickers!

10:12 A.M.  We drove the suspect back to the station for booking. It was a slam dunk case.  When the case came to court, the suspect was charged and is now spending two years in the Dept. of Corrections for his crime.

Lesson learned; Crime doesn't pee I mean pay!

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